Conversation: Online Shopping

Person A to a group of people: I want to buy something online. Can I borrow someone’s credit card?

People: Why? Don’t you have your own?

Person A: I’m not sure how reputable the site is. So don’t want anything to happen to my credit card.

In Singlish, this is called sabo

deliberately causing trouble or inconvenience to someone

2018 Looking back

In the first quarter of 2018, I bought Shawn Blanc’s Plan Your Year and used it to set my priorities for the year. Work and Health.

1. Getting fit and Stacked at WorkLiftBalance

Witj health a priority, I researched exercise classes to attend. Thanks to a natural tendency of committing to and trying out various exercise organisations for over 10 years, I had a fairly clear list of “wants”.

  • Convenient location from home
  • Committed and strict instructors
  • Welcoming environment
  • No shoes needed (preferably)
  • Small group classes
  • Fits the budget

WorkLiftBalance has 3-monthly packages that allow a maximum of 3 group classes a week, which suit me just fine as I was trying to exercise a minimum of 3 times a week. I also believe in trying new exercise places over a few months to build chemistry with instructors and better understand the exercises.

Almost a year later, I am fitter, way stronger, have more energy, have minimal pain and am in the process of adapting to better sitting and walking postures.

2. Reuniting with a New Family

You know how life is unplanned. Yup. This.

For various reasons, I had yet to meet the Other Half’s grandparents and their children. This year, we decided to visit them (they live in another country). It was so nice to see the joy in their faces and our hearts felt so so full. We have made a few more trips since – for both grandparents birthdays, which enabled us to meet the aunts, uncles and their children.

The initial trip led to more trips and we managed to reconnect before it was too late. Grandpa passed away in the third quarter of 2018. He was stubborn, witty and had the Other Half’s sense of humour (it’s genetic). Truly great fun.

Funerals bring everyone together. We met the whole extended family.

No words can express the amount of love I felt.

3. Work-Life

2018 didn’t result in much career progression on paper. However, the time, space and opportunities afforded allowed me to figure out the next steps.

Grateful for the close friends, experienced adults and the Other Half for shining pools of light whilst I reflected and questioned myself.

 


 

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

– A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

 

So long 2018.

Cleaning old RSS feeds

Since Google Reader was discontinued, I switched to Feed Wrangler, a subscription-based service.

This has allowed me to test various RSS apps, before settling on Reeder for MacOS and iOS. Feed Wrangler’s cloud sync has kept read, unread and starred articles in-sync across both platforms and more if needed.

In the spirit of spring cleaning, also a Chinese New Year tradition, I have been culling old RSS feeds. Down by one third and feeling a lot lighter.

Loss and grief

Within a span of 2 weeks, 2 deaths occurred.

A human and an animal. Both received tears.

But the grieving had started earlier. When the probable signs showed.

Being Buddhist, I understood death to be a part of life.

The Other Half and I had discussed it when we dated. Facing the statistic that females tended to live longer than males, and that we were the same age, there was a high chance that I would eventually be without him. With that in mind, and because we enjoy each other’s company, it is with great sincerity that I tell others, “I won’t be attending your event as I prefer to spend time with the Other Half”.

Death reminds me that our time is finite, and that the less time spent arguing, the more time we have to enjoy the time together.

An old woman once told me that wisdom and compassion are not given to us; they can only be discovered. The experience of discovery means letting go of what we know. When we move through the terrible transformation of the elements of loss and grief, we may discover the truth of the impermanence of everything in our life, and of course, of this very life itself.

In this way, grief and sorrow may teach us gratitude for what we have been given, even the gift of suffering. From her we learn to swim in the stream of universal sorrow. And in that stream, we may even find joy. For this Buddhist, this is the essence of a liberative practice.

A Buddhist Perspective on Grieving” by Roshi Joan Halifax
ᔥ PBS.org

During the funeral, I wondered if I should be crying a lot more, like others, and since I wasn’t, did it mean that I wasn’t as upset?

Then again, as an introvert, I realised that my most private emotions, like grief, happen internally, away from everyone. Writing it here, in a public space, is my form of dealing with the grief.

Of looking at it, understanding it, putting it away and finding peace.

Every now and then, my peace comes from sending metta to them.

Everything takes time

“Go big or go home” is the Other Half’s and my maxim for life.

With that maxim, we say no a lot.

No to many social events – e.g. dinners, weddings, parties etc.

No to consistent gaming – e.g. intensive mobile and computer games

We set up routines and shared calendars, reducing the need to constantly communicate and chances of miscommunication.

This allows us to focus on the things that we want to do.

Spend time with each other, close friends, family and health.

I used to say yes a lot. To be pulled in all directions, get stressed, not deliver well.

We are not perfect. But we encourage each other and work at it.

Everything takes time.

Choose what you want and do it well.

Instagram Is the New Evite

 ᔥ Taylor Lorenz / The Atlantic

Sebastian, an 18-year-old in Los Angeles, says that nearly every big party he’s recently attended had a dedicated Instagram account. Just four years ago, he was still getting Facebook event invites, but now, “I don’t remember the last time a party was on Facebook,” he says.

While Facebook event pages make clear who their organizers are, Instagram party accounts frequently don’t divulge that information. The anonymity of a party page allows for plausible deniability if the account gets discovered by a parent.

Often, the kids who create party accounts are painfully aware of how important it is that the party looks cool. “Some kids will buy followers to make the party look bigger,” says Sebastian. Mass following and unfollowing to pique interest is another common tactic.

Some teenagers whom he was friends with even turned Instagram party marketing into a full-fledged business. If you know someone who is over 18 and can rent out an Airbnb for the night, it’s easy to make a party Instagram account, follow hundreds of kids from local high schools, charge them a few dollars at the door, set up a DJ, and walk away with more than $1,000.

Seriously, gotta love how different sections of the market adapt social media to their use cases.

Reducing Life

The move to Vancouver, Canada was immense. The Other Half and I planned to live there for 5 years, as he planned to do a PhD, and did not know if we would return to Singapore.

So we packed everything (almost). I knew that I had a lot of clothes, but until one has to pack them up, then you realise the sheer quantity of it all. “Like Narnia in my closet”, I joked. The clothes coming out seemed never-ending.

Followed by books and sentimental items. They were all eventually shipped up by sea.

From shopping every month, I soon got used to only buying necessities (e.g. groceries) or winter clothes, which I had none.

Even after moving back to Singapore, I still did not shop for “aesthetic reasons”, as the Other Half calls it. It would be 4 years later before restarting the purchase of clothes – aka wedding dress.

Now, I have became quite adept at saying no to purchasing. Meaning, there is less of a “oh looks nice I want to buy” and more of “nope, no use for it, so no point buying”.

I tell friends to please do not buy things for me or food if they really must buy something.

That Narnia of a wardrobe? It has since been massively reduced, but still contains a heap lot of items. The goal is by mid 2019, to reduce it by half.

To work towards it, I have practiced the Marie Kondo method on Sentimental Items, Books and Komono (miscellaneous). I am reading The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees in order to decisively and intentionally pare down the wardrobe.

The goal will be reached. Hopefully sooner rather than later so the fruits of labour can be enjoyed!

Margot Talks – Dating as a trans person, coming out and what it means to be a woman are just some of the questions answered on the webseries

Shannon Power / GayStarNews

Growing up Margot Fink was the only bi, trans and biracial girl at her tightknit Jewish school in Australia.

When it came to asking questions – let alone finding answers – about gender and sexuality she had nowhere to go.

she was a driving force behind All Of Us, the first government-approved LGBTI teaching resource in Australia.

Fink has worked at the LGBTI youth organization Minus18 and she helped lead the trans youth group YGender. For a long time she also did LGBTI advocacy work with the Victorian Government and Police.

She’s out on a mission to help the world understand gender and identity and her Margot Talks series does just that.

Created entirely by volunteers the Margot Talks hopes to tackle topics like; coming out and transitioning, dating as a trans person, what going on hormones is actually like, making public spaces inclusive, and the different ways religion and cultural diversity can intersect with being LGBTI.


A friend of mine told me that he/she (to protect identity) was trans gender. Unlike Margot, I knew that person prior to the “coming out”. It was easy to accept the change as our interactions were digital (based in different countries). However, after reading a bit more, I realised that there are so many issues that trans people face, that I (and maybe you) take for granted.

So glad that Margot has started sharing information!

One of America’s Greatest Industrial Designers Cites the Plastic Trash Can as his Best Work

Anne Quinto / Quartzy 

But of his countless projects, Harrison is proudest of a humble plastic trash bin…

Diagnosed with dyslexia at an early age, he had great empathy for people with various learning or physical disorders. His quest was to create elegant consumer products that didn’t require elaborate instruction manuals. “Because he was dyslexic, he wanted you to be able to just see how they worked,”

Harrison shot down frills that didn’t improve a product’s functionality.”If it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do or look like what it does, then I frown on it,” he once said. “I don’t think a nutcracker needs to look like an elephant.”

..

In his 2005 monograph, Harrison left a sobering note for designers seeking for purpose. “Your audience is neither history nor fame but a couple who worked hard to buy their first home on a quiet street and would love just one more hour of sleep in the morning, even on trash days.”